100 Cups

100 CUPS

Sitting in the dark room

So much like a womb

Streaks of fear begin to weave

With increased dread

I want to leave

 

Feeling so alone

With desperation I groan

I look around

For a helping hand

My breath slows

As a constricting band

 

The minutes go by

Still alone, why?

Wishing in some way to die

 

A calm begins to grow

And a gleam of light doth show

Reaching out with my heart

I find others

A hope doth start

 

For alone I’m not

My fears are naught

The hearts of those so dear

Grow ever so near

Overcoming my fear

 

For within us we carry

Those so close to heart

We never part

For we are together

Speaking

The language of the heart

Knowing no bounds

Of time or place

Reaching out to each other

Through distance and space

-Shiidon, Jamál 166BE/ May, 2009

It is said in life that one must partake of 100 cups of bitter tea for every one that is sweet.

So, I was at an incredible Bahá'í Reflections Gathering when I wrote this poem.  This poem had been swirling from time to time in my mind and finally found its outlet amongst friends.  I had some recent tests.  For the first time I did not turn to those closest to me or to those trusted hearts that I turn to from time to time for advice or solace.  For some reason, I found it so numbing that I could not reach out.  I found myself in a familiar place, a dark room without light (figuratively).  I recall what my father said about his father.  He stated that regardless of him being gone for many years now, he still can hear his advice and feel his love.  I reached out with my heart.  Instead of saying "yes your right" or "I know, I know"  I just knew what was needed and how to deal with it.  It was all my friends and confidants in me and reaching out to me without me having to physically be in their presence or to be on the phone with them.

On another amazing note.  I was shopping yesterday and needed some shoes.  I went into a store I have never been in but have passed countless times.  Inside I went up the escalator through crowds that would amaze those who are familiar with Filene's Basement in Boston.  As I approached the top of the escalator I wondered what was going on.  There in front of me was a Bahá'í friend with her daughter.  I asked them what was going on and they mentioned that it was a fashion show.  It is amazing to run into someone you know.  Austin is such a small town in feeling but is the 16th largest city in the United States.  I then went to Borders to look for a book when another Bahá'í ran into me.  He and I spoke for a bit and then parted.  I was feeling pretty joyful at this time.  I then went to a computer store and just as I was entering a parking space there was a customer of whom I had been thinking about for the past week.  He showed me his new car.  He mentioned he was going to Israel and we spoke about it for a bit.  He then told me that if he gets a new IPhone he would probably give me his old one.  He left and I went shopping.  I then went to Costco knowing that for a certainty that I would run into someone.  As I was approaching the final purchase my name was called out.  I turned to see another customer.  He was so amazed as his car had broken down and the had just had it towed to our shop.  He then came back.  He was so surprised about running into me that he forgot that he needed to bring the key to the car by on Monday.  He rushed off and returned with the key to his car.  Wow.  He left a bit dazed by the coincidence.  Not I.  Somehow we are all interconnected and in some ways we but have to reach out to touch each others lives.