Earthly Mire

EARTHLY MIRE

The pain is great

When I contemplate

The self-delusion

That seems innate

When in my mind

A hope I create

I reach out and strive

Keeping hope alive

Only to pull back

And nurse my wound

From my goal deprived

I reel

And creating

A world surreal

In my mind of hope

But reality strikes

And I struggle to cope

Who am I

To aspire

Entering the world

Of desire

And this earthly mire

My very heart cries out

At this burning fire

Would that I had

Just sat back

Content with what I lack

‘Twould almost better be

To have avoided the pain

Of what I want to be

For tis better to be content

With my reality

For hoping for more

Is certain futility

Tis the solitude

I aspire to change

That which threatens

To me derange

For tis not this state

That brings me pain

Tis the longing

That doth remain

My ever present bane

So again

I am in this state

Where I find myself

Self-flagellate

And ruing incessantly

My fate

-Shiidon, December 2011

This past weekend marked the 20th birthday of Winrik and I found myself taking him off to see his mother and most likely his new life.  If all goes well he will be in his own apartment and that will signal the last of my birds that have left the nest.  Yes, we never know when they will come back but in some ways you really can't come back for things will be different.  This loss of Winrik strikes home with the profound sound of emptiness that is in my house.  Yes, Shahdi is coming back soon but for only a brief time as she establishes herself.  She has already had a taste of living on her own and will more than likely get back into that state quickly.  so, here I am alone again.  Every little sound echoes louder than it probably is.  I wait to hear the sound of the ice machine that will not come back or any number of other sounds.

Terry Pratchett has quoted in one of his books something that has been used over and again elsewhere but seems apropos here: "May you live in interesting times."