Paragon

PARAGON

I have gazed with longing

For a sense of belonging

The object of that stare

Of which I have been aware

Is a statue of great beauty

 

This statue did represent

And for what it was meant

Was a redeeming of love spent

Through which to repent

 

Eventually did I draw near

And looked in depth

With heart and soul clear

At that which I had found so dear

 

The closer I drew

The more I knew

The fog was lifted

The chaff sifted

 

The love that I thought

It brought to me

Was a reflection of

That love from me

 

Through my illusions did it slice

For what I looked upon was ice

The warmth that I saw

Was its very flaw

 

From its cold facade did it reflect

Those years of devotion

And self neglect

 

Its nature, clear and cold

Was now there for me to behold

And as the reality did unfold

It upon me lost its hold

 

And as I turn and walk away

Upon me no longer holding its sway

I leave behind that work of art

Holding intact, a stronger heart

-Shiidon, September 2008

I was recently reflecting on how we sometimes misplace our thoughts or put our own feelings into something else.  It is eye opening to see when we recognize that we sometimes see only what we wanted to see and not the true reality of the situation.  There are many examples of people who desired a person or thing so much that once in possession of that thing or in the reaching of that goal of being with someone; they realize that the reality was quite different from the actual attainment of that goal.  It is through prayer, meditation, faith and action that we can recognize these misdirected energies.  Sometimes it is quite clear to us and sometimes it is after years of misdirected thoughts that we reach those conclusions.

I find that it takes faith in God for me to be able to see with clearer eyes.  

There is a short but dear Bahá'í prayer that best expresses what I am wanting to say:

Say: God sufficeth all things above all things, and nothing in the heavens or in the earth but God sufficeth.  Verily, He is in Himself the Knower, the Sustainer, the Omnipotent.

The Báb

Post Surgery

Well, I thought I would post what has happened since surgery and how things are going now.  

The polyps are gone, yay!  What was thought to be a 8.5 out of ten in severity turned out to be 9.5 out of ten.  The doctor mentioned to the nurse that this was one of the worse cases he had seen and pulled out so much that he needed a larger than expected container for those pesky polyps.  It was between a cup and a half to two cups of junk.  Anyway, i am on the mend.  In three days it will be two weeks since surgery and as of today I am feeling mostly normal.

There are two photos here.  The first is just before surgery and the second was right after.  I had just been asked on a scale of 1-10 how was the pain, I said 15.  I do not remember this but the photo says it all.

I am breathing better than ever in my life.  I did not know it was normal to breath out of both nostrils at a time.  I am tasting and smelling food like never before, the experience is intoxicating at times.  I am breathing deeper without labor and sleeping deeply and well.  I am grateful to the doctor, nurses and the friends and familiy that prayed for the success of the operation.

And now that I am on the mend I am looking forward to fixing the dryer yet again, making sure the homeschooling of the kids is on task and that I am prepared for teaching the next term which starts next week for me.

In regards to this last point it was mentioned that we have been given a larger student to teacher ratio as there are not as many tutors to keep up with the growing number of Bahá'í students that have been denied education in Iran and now have to go through the BIHE.  I am up for the challeng as this is to be my second full term of teaching and I have a better understanding of what is expected.  I asked for an additional group so we shall see how that goes. 

Passing 100

I have been posting on this blog for over a year and a half.  Two posting ago was my one hundreth posting.  Many things have happened to slow me down the past few weeks, though not by choice.  I have been dealing with what has been a debilitating medical situation since the begining of August.  It started off as vertigo and has now reached the point where I will be going into surgery this coming week.  It seems that my rebelious sinus's have rebelled and have filled with polyps to the point that I have trouble hearing and nose breathing is an impossibility and most importantly, my brain pan is in jeopordy of being compromised.  All is well though, it is a routine surgery and will promise to be life changing as my dear brother puts it.

What I reflect on though is perspective.  I have a dear friend, a mother and grandmother to dear souls who just had surgery in hopes of saving her life from a cancer that is determined to take it. I was at a recent gathering at her house.  There I was, sitting miserable, but with a near certainty that things will be back to normal, being consoled whithout regard to self by a person facing the possibility of death.

I was asked by a dear friend the other day if I was afraid.  I was surprised and yet grateful for the question.  The answer is yes.  I remember a doctor once advising a person close to me that any time someone wants to take a knife to you the question that needs to be asked is "is this worth the worse case scenario?"  

To add to this woe is the additional tests of each one of my three children and their various needs upon me at this time.  I fast see them slipping away from me and there will be a hole in my life when they are no longer present on a day to day level.  However, their needs are immediate and regardless of the feelings I have, I need to be there for them.  It is because of this and my faith in Bahá'u'lláh that I seem to be in high spirits regardless of my surrounding tests. Physically it is like being submersed in water for two months now.  Try drinking water with your nose completely closed or worse yet, have the pressure from almost all available cavities in your head full of bad guys.  Yes in spite of this, I have found an ability to rise above it for the most part and tackle the various challenges such as repairing a dryer, cleaning a house, working and trying to be as good a father as I can be.

On the postings that have preceded this one.  I hope to have conveyed life as I see it.  Many of my poems start out with the difficulties of tests that surround us and the hope and final overcoming of these tests.  In the Bahá'í sacred texts as well as those of other Faiths, we are told that it is through tests that we grow and our soul progresses.  We are destined to repeat the tests until we overcome them and learn and grow from them.  But it is never ended.  Once we have learned a new lesson on patience it is tempting to feel that we have learned patience.  However, the reality is that we have learned patience to a certain level.  Now the new and stronger lessons start until we overcome and reach a new understanding of patience, or whatever other lesson it is we have to learn from.

I will be bed ridden for a few days this week and hopefully not too full of pain to prevent me from writing some more poetry.  While I know that my friends will be praying for me, I hope that instead, we can think of my friend Betsy and her struggle with cancer and those dear Bahá'í's being persecuted in Iran.  Here is to the next one hundred postings, until next time.......

Dreams and Hopes

DREAMS and HOPES

From the beginning

Of life it seems

We are led about

By our dreams

 

The desires and hopes

Seem to know no scope

The future is bright

Within our sight

Bringing with hope

Promising delight

 

As time goes by

We begin to question why

The hopes and dreams fade

Or worse yet

In their impossibility

Our minds are set

 

We look around at what is needed

Our dreams go by unheeded

We focus on the day by day

And pass our life by

 in this passionless way

 

Instead of reaching we settle

Not daring to test our mettle

Hoping, less and less

For our life’s dreams to be addressed

 

As time flows by faster and faster

And we speed towards the ever after

Perchance we may find our dreams again

Or refine them and not worry for when

 

The things that us surround

And have been allowed to abound

Lose their hold on us

And show that they are but dust

And the reality that revives

Are the dreams that bring us alive

And towards now

 we can reach and strive

-Shiidon, September 2008

Well, this poem is about dreams and hopes.  I remember one class I taught in China.  I had watched the children I was teaching and saw a pattern.  The third graders were beginning to learn about the joys of being and becoming individuals.  The fourth graders were striving to learn and had dreams and hopes.  It was in the fifth grade that things changed.  I saw dreams slip away. The girls becoming more docile and complacent, the boys more aggressive and unruly.

I reflected on this for a time and began to form a class.  Each week I would plan out a class on what subject to teach for the week.  The class I taught was on dreams.  I taught them the vocabulary of dreams, not the going to sleep dreams but our dreams for ourselves and others.  I emphasized the need to keep ones dreams alive.  I assured them that there was much to feed our hopelessness but that it was important to keep striving.  I brought up an example.  I had spend a lot of money in 1979 for a red leather bound book on china with a large gold dragon on it.  It was one of the first really informative books on China by the National Geographic Society.  I told them how much I studied the photographs of that book and the desire I had to someday go to China.  I was 18 at the time.  I had also wanted to be a teacher throughout my life.  I appreciated what my teachers could do to inspire and facilitate my learning.  I stood before then and said that here I was, twenty years later, teaching and living in China.  Never give up.  Remember your hopes and dreams, never settle in desperation and be patient for the right thing, time or person to come along.

What I have learned, is that dreams can and do come true.