Breaking Free

BREAKING FREE

The emptiness

Opens wide

I fall into

A great divide

How did it

Come to pass

This moment I dread

Has come at last

One by one

They've left my side

No longer with me

Do they reside

Nor by me do they abide

Open eyed and full of life

They rush forward into a world rife

Full of wonder and perils

Like a shell opened

And they

The long awaited pearls

After years these grains

Have grown

Of them I’m proud

To have known

I only hope

In some way

That I’ve improved their lives

Of this I pray

I will watch now

From afar

And from the pain

A new scar

Of this scar I will not fear

But wear it proudly

For tis to me dear

I sit among the debris

The dross left over

As the chicks break free

And fly away

From me

I will remember

The years gone by

And at times

You’ll find I’ll cry

But ti's a sorrow

I’ll not deny

The changes

These souls will make

Will be worth much

Of this, make no mistake

I stand now

And turn away

Their daily needs

No longer hold sway

What stands before me

I know not what

But I myself go forth

To find another source

Of self worth

-Shiidon, August 2010

Well, this poem comes from a most painful place. After ten years of custody of Shervin and then followed by Winrik and Shahdi I find myself without any of them. Shahdi is enjoying her new life in New Mexico. Winrik is at his mom's and about to start College. Shervin is all but gone and working full time, going to college and spending time with his daughter. This has brought much change to my life.

The main result of these steps is that with the departure of Shervin I will no longer have a child at home. This being the case, there is no longer a reason for the other youth to come over. I thought I had one more summer with them all but that is already coming to a close.

I am now finding myself picking up the pieces both figuratively and literally. I have not been alone for over ten years. This is both welcoming and at the same time it brings a sense of sorrow. The ghosts of them are already surrounding me in the house.

Life goes on. I look now to the future and whatever that will bring.