Phoenix

PHOENIX

Can it be

We reach a time

When feelings drown

With neither smile nor frown

The world for me, upside down

My charges so dear

Are slipping away

Going towards

Their own glorious day

In their lives

I no longer hold sway

Emptiness doth me surround

My footsteps, the only sound

A window full of life

Sits in front of me

Showing others, in fullness of life

A stark contrast, to my strife

In my heart

I breach that window

From time to time

Inserting myself

Like a mental mime

Living lives

That are not mine

I pour my heart out

In other ways

A written shout

A rhythmic cry

Until those tear of emptiness

Doth dry

One thing that can’t

Be taken away

Is my heart and mind

Into which I retreat

Each and every day

And for a time

I linger and stay

What is reality

I no longer know

For the joys I see ahead

Are those that come after I’m dead

The joys in this world

When they are found

Are ephemeral at best

Regardless of how long they last

At some point they will be the past

And those of the spirit

Will be what stands fast

-Shiidon, August 2011

Well, it's been a while since my last post and much has happened. I had a milestone birthday this year that came and went with little note. My dear beloved daughter is moving back to Texas much earlier than expected which is a special joy. I will be spending her 18th birthday with her next week. My second son helped me bring the house into shape which was fun despite the 112 degree temperatures we were working in outside.

I had a profound and moving conversation with my oldest son. He told me that the older he has gotten the more he realizes that things I told him have come to pass or would not have if he had listened. He told me that he saw my flaws and mistakes which have galvanized him into not wanting to make those same mistakes. Magic to my ears. He stated that he hoped to hear those same words from his daughter some day. I was overjoyed to hear about his positive first day at his new job tutoring or leading a study group. He experienced the joy of showing someone how to solve problems and in doing so enriching their lives.

More stories and poems are on the way but I find myself numbed by this heat. we have two more days over 100 degrees and for the most part we begin with a nice cold front taking us down to 97 or 98. The heat is oppressive enough that it is hard to function. For example, it is no w11:00 at night and the outside temperature is 93.