Slings and Arrows

SLINGS and ARROWS

I fall to my knees

With choked off pleas

Then upon my face

In heartfelt disgrace

Thrust upon me

Tests do come

Unasked for

They strike me dumb

I face them head on

Arise and allow them

To strike their blow

Dauntless I follow

Where they lead, I do go

Inside I scream

And they become

Shattered dreams

What was if for?

What does it mean?

That which has

Left me demeaned

Again and again

These blows strike

Leaving me little respite

A seemingly incessant blight

Pushing me deeper

Into the dark felt night

When these tests

Do ebb and go

They leave me heaving

On their leaving

Upon the shores of self

I am weak and spent

As they only appear to relent

I am unworthy

Of anything else

But to find myself alone

Assuaging my wounds

As best as I can

Where no one else

Can begin to understand

With each grain of sand

That falls through life’s glass

I reflect as time drops

Grain by grain

They bring with them

Tests experienced

Pain by pain

Seemingly incongruous

It may seem

But through life

 I have deemed

That these tests are a gift

That hones my soul

Regardless of what may be

My life’s role

And though pain and suffering

They may bring

In the end

My heart doth sing

-Shiidon, October 2012

Inevitability

INEVITABILITY

There is a place

I often go

Ti's a copse

Of pure white snow

Forever in twilight

Doth it glow

Any sound

It doth grasp

Until in silence

I do lapse

Each breath I take

Is bitter cold

And I stiffen

In its firm hold

The cold within

Is heavy and dark

The warmth is lost

There is no spark

This monochromatic

World I see

Is but a reflection

Of what is me

There is a comfort

That I do find

When within this refuge

I am defined

The promise of warmth

Doth at times approach

But upon close inspection

It doth reproach

No matter what

May come my way

I know in truth

At the end of the day

To that sanctuary

I will find my way

-Shiidon, October 2012

Upon the Battlements

UPON THE BATTLEMENTS

Grain by grain

The sand doth fall

Building in time

Patience wall

High it reaches

To the sky

Stronger than

Any leverage can ply

Beyond the reach

Of any clock

It stands

As impenetrable rock

Against it

All hopes are dashed

And aspirations, fears and joys

Are smashed

We strive

To patient be

To withstand the storms

Of self and set free

Emotions ebb and flow

But beyond patience wall

They cannot go

In time the lesson

That patience doth give

Is that in detachment

We must live

Wave after wave

The dreams do come

And crash against the wall

And dissolved become

Gain and loss

Do come and go

Bringing deeper in our life

That which we know

Upon the battlements

Of patience we stand

And with detachment

We see

The tableau of life

So grand

-Shiidon, October 2012

Lessons in life come and go.  I find that life is measured in time and time is measured by clocks.  The interesting thought that came to me on my walk is that not all clocks, nor time itself is constant.  My clock is speeding up, my parents clock seems timeless to me and that of my children and granddaughter are racing at a far quicker pace than mine.  In fact my view of work, life and service seem to flow to different measures of time.  It is not unlike being in an uncomfortable situation and seeing time slow down while being with loved ones and that same clock is racing away.

With patience we learn detachment.  With detachment we learn to balance our emotions, hopes and expectations.  We become content with the will of God and not ours.  The fascinating thing I find with patience or detachment is that the more we learn the more there is to learn.  It is an eternal climb that once we reach the apex of the peak another shows itself on the horizon.