Longing

There was many a time when I wanted to emulate the Star Trek character named Spock. This is due to the lack of emotional attachment that he was supposed to show. However, as is clear with my verse, emotions are as big a part of me as with everyone else in this world. Clearly we are not Vulcan nor do we lack emotions. Find the most "unemotional" person you know and raging within there will be emotions. We are human, it is human to feel, to feel is to feel both joy and pain. How we master those feelings and do not let them take control of our selves is a challenge. In the Bahá'í Faith it is understood that we are of two natures, human and animal. The animal part of us, unlike the members of the animal kingdom, knows no limits or controls other than what we choose. It is our human nature that must struggle with that animal nature and master it. I could go on and on but needless to say, like Spock, when I have suppressed the emotions they still come out in the end but with more severity than if I had acknowledged them in the first place and mastered them as best as possible.

Tears were coming down as I spoke with my students in Iran. One of them asked another what their father did. It turned out he had passed away years ago when she was two. The joy and laughter though, that comes from those wonderful souls among these days of tests and tribulations facing them and their families is profound and humbling. What a joy to know them.

LONGING

Looking around with longing
Feeding a need for belonging
On the outside looking in
Not knowing what is lacking within
Is it me or those around
Looking for that love surround
For others it seems to abound

Truthfully it is not in me
Or in the others that I see
We each have our day
When we find our way
Through those hills and valleys
That swing up and down
Sometimes flying
Or threatening to drown

Whether high or low
On this path we go
The knowledge that we must know
Is to be certain in times of stress
That regardless of duress
We will find rest
In the time when we come upon that path
That leads us back to higher ground
And the joy that can be found

So while deep within the pain
When sorrows upon us do rain
The joy that can be found
Is the knowledge that life comes around
And back to joy do we rebound
-Shiidon, May 2008

Wondering

I saw the subject of this poem, the word wonder, the other day and it brought these words out of me. It seems that more and more of what I see around me effects my creativity. Mention was made earlier regarding music. Words are hard to find to describe how profoundly music effects me. Another is nature. I was outside reading on my deck one morning. Across my back yard runs a creek so wildlife prevails, especially when my back yard abuts a natural and somewhat wild greenbelt. I was speaking with my mother when she asked me what the "noise" in the background. I told her she was hearing birds. She did not believe me at first. The nature around me is another source of joy.


WONDERING

As life marches on
And each day doth dawn
We look at what we have done
Reflecting on what we have become
So many things we hoped to do
So many sacrifices we made in lieu
Of living each and every day
As if another would not come our way

I pose the following
Instead of wallowing
And fretting of what would be
Look around, open your eyes and see
That each step we take any given day
Brings about a joy in its own way

If we look not in this way
Our growth doth we delay
Far from our path will we stray

If the ground shook beneath the loved one
Would you look away, or run
If the waves come crashing down
And threaten to drown
Do you ignore and go around

Begin to see
What is meant to be
Of how we are effected
Both you and me
When we see His intent, God’s will unbent
It is not how we have lived these days past
Or how long our lives will last
It is how we are to each other
Treating one and all as a brother
-Shiidon, May 2008

Rebirth

When I was ten years old my maternal grandmother left this earthly plain. It was the first time I would experience loss of a loved one and in a profound way. For the last days she would usually utter only one word, my name. I would hold her hand until i saw in her eyes that she had gone away. I would leave until called back again. I was thinking of this, among other things when I wrote this poem.


REBIRTH

She lay before me, in her bed
Culminating a life, so lovingly led
It would not be long, before she would go
To that place beyond, anything we know

Constantly at her side
At her request did I abide
Looking into her deep lived eyes
Until it was time to take my leave
Soon would come time, to bereave

When our time has come
And all is done
Our life force begins to wane
And in a different vane
We begin to see the other side
And those among us away do slide
The more we away do go
The more declined our bodies do show
Like a shell dropping off a butterfly
As it begins its journey to the sky
The ones left behind ask why

The tears of loved ones drop like streams
Watering that soul embracing its dreams
The sorrow we feel is for us alone
Not for the soul that journeys home

We must take heart
For we play our part
Grieving,
for those leaving
Crying
for those dying
One day our time it will be
And others will grieve our destiny
-Shiidon, May 2008

Heavenly Dream

Well, I am not sure what has caused so many poems so quickly but here is another. It is about a dream that I had of Bahá'u'lláh, the Blessed Beauty. This was one of three dreams that I will be writing about here over the course of time that were at once, vivid, real and utterly special.

I believe the poem speaks for itselfe and needs no further explanation.

HEAVENLY DREAM

One night as I lay asleep
Amongst angels did I keep
A moment was soon to come
When my soul would stir
And overjoyed become

Entering our presence so full of light
Causing all to sparkle in delight
Glowing with such intensity
Entered the Blessed Beauty

Not face, nor other signs did I see
Only the knowledge and certainty
I knelt before him as he came close
Bowing my head in remorse

“Impure thoughts” said I to Him
“Its OK”, He answered me
Fear long held,
Replaced by glee

One last thought as I bowed down low
Please, oh please, before You go
Show me in some special way
That this be more than a dream today

My eyes still closed
My breath still
I waited with patience, until
I felt His hand upon my head
Waking up startled
Upright in my bed

The feeling that had come to me
Is knowing with a certainty
That this was no normal dream
It was more than it did seem
For I do know
And He did show
That some dreams are more
The wandering of our souls
As they doth soar
-Shiidon, May 29th 2008

Self

I was speaking with a dear friend not too long ago about how we tend to focus on ourselves with critical eyes. There are two directions that this can go; one is caring so much that we become self centered at the expense of reality. We can also be so self negating that we easily dismiss the qualities and attributes that others see manifested in us. Selflessness is our goal for it is others we are here to be of service to.

When we think that we may have caused sadness to another or some other misstep, it is possible to criticize ourselves so severely that it causes more harm than good to ourselves and the other.

These thoughts were the foundation of the following poem.


SELF

Looking deep within my heart
Searching for what others see
Knowing not, what that could be
For I see you and you see me
Neither willing to see the best
Within ourselves we give no rest

For others we offer, an open hand
Sharing our love, our bonds expand
Within ourselves, not so forgiving
Wondering at times, why we are living

When a dear one, on us transgress
We pass it off as a time of stress
But when it is us, that overstep
We are far from forgiving, our misstep

Perhaps as mirrors we can see each other
I see you seeing me
and you see me seeing you
with eyes forgiving one to another

There is something remiss
In others love we dismiss
when we start to fall
into the dark abyss
of self negation
when we are part, of His creation

Looking at your reflection of me
I begin to see
The better parts of me
And work nevertheless
On the rest
And do my best
A better person to be
-Shiidon, May 2008

Ascension

Today is a Holy Day in the Bahá'í Faith. It is the anniversary of the Ascension of Bahá'u'lláh. It was on this day, at about 4:00am, He passed away at Bahjí, north of Acre in what is now Israel. I was reflecting today on the troubles in Iran. It turns out that one of them is the uncle of a young person I taught children's classes to years ago. I just heard that more people have been rounded up in the last day or so. These people, government and government backed groups have desecrated and obliterated Bahá'í Cemeteries and have gone as far to exhume and destroy the remains of those believers interned there. My own grandfather's grave is one that has been removed from any possibility of future visitation. My great fear now is that the powers that be now will not stop with just arresting and harassing the believers in Iran. I am worried that they will take things further.

Two years ago and nine years ago I had the bounty to be present at Bahjí for the Ascension of Bahá'u'lláh and was overjoyed with the experience. I have written about it in my pilgrimage story so won't elaborate on it here. I look forward to this day more than any other day of the year, second only to the Martyrdom of the Báb. It was in 1992 that I had the bounty of being on Pilgrimage for that day as well. This morning, the boys and I, along with John (who became a Bahá'í last year) stood facing Bahjí and said the Tablet of Visitation. It was a special moment.

This morning I wrote the following poem upon wakening after that experience.

ASCENSION

As I stand and pray tonight
My hearts leaps at the delight
Of memories of that special night
When before His throne I did alight

When the soul finds its home
It is hard to leave and again roam
For the heart connects and wants to stay
But serving Him takes another way
We must return to our homes
and work each day
to connect other spirits in this special way
For each soul connected
His light reflected
Illuminating the world, as we start
One by one, and heart to heart

One day our part will end
It will be time, our soul to send
Home to were we once had found
That special connection
To which our souls are bound

True mysteries will start at that time
No worries of what we left behind
For this is what we prepare
Of that journey we are unaware

But standing now and praying so
One thing clearly doth show
Wherever we ultimately go
His love will be there,
Allowing souls to grow
With the love He doth bestow
-Shiidon, May 29, 2008

Daddy

I have been wanting to write a poem for my parents for along time. Today, for whatever reason, this one for my father came to me. My parents are about one month apart. This year they celebrate their eightieth birthday. What can I say about them? Since this poem is about my father I will start with him. He has been an extraordinary example to me of faith and certitude. I remember one fireside when he told someone that all he had to do if it was necessary is turn to god and he would move mountains, physically. My fathers certitude was such that to this day I truly believe him. He is amazing. He found the Bahá'í Faith on his own ten years prior to meeting my mother. He was asked to leave his Episcopal Church because he asked too many questions (questioning ones I assume). He always had wanted to live in the time of His Holiness Christ to know if he would accept or reject Him. At his first fireside he realized his dream had come true. He was told he had to read some books first. After his first week away he was asked what he had learned. He said that he learned that he was a Bahá'í and they could not tell him that he was not.
Because of my father and our Faith, we ended up in East Pakistan for several years where I contracted malaria and saw first hand the sufferings of humanity. How he approached life there and since has been an inspiration to me. It is accepted to write about ones parent and shower them with love and praise, I do not believe that my father is undeserving of this praise.
I hope this poem, which speaks from a son to his father, conveys even a small part of that love and devotion I think we all have for our fathers in some way. While it is true that all of my poems come from my heart and are about me or what is happening around me in some way, it is not often that I am brought to tears when I read them. This one is too close to my heart to avoid shedding tears.


DADDY

What can be said about a man
Without whom my words would never land
Through your eyes I grew and reached on high
Through you my heart and soul doth fly

On your own you found your way
To the most great message for this day
With certitude a wife did you find
My mother and you forever entwined

Your love for me did not outward show
To my young did you bestow
Your overt love, I did not know
Together through this love did we grow
An outlet for your love did He bestow

What you taught me I will not forget
I find myself without regret
Many a conversation we have had
Covering all both good and bad

You leave me no money, possessions or land
What you leave is so much more grand
You have taught me faith and certitude
No matter how dire things are, your attitude
For you I turn towards God with gratitude

Not many a man have I known
That can confront with firmness the unknown
With all your heart you reach out to me
Somehow knowing my destiny

Within me I carry you deep in my heart
For here or thereafter we shall never part
I can never thank you for my life
Having been born in such times of strife
I am blessed to have you as my father
Nurturing my soul to strive harder

Through you I can almost reach
Your father whom you did teach
I look to my young and wonder
Can I match you, or will I blunder
Somehow I already know
You will tell me how far I did go
And how much further I have to see
Before we rejoin in our destiny
I love you more than words can say
I think of you each and every day
You have helped me find my way
I love you
-Shiidon, May 2008

Waves of Destiny

I am in the process of writing something when this poem jumped out at me. I found that I had to put the other work aside to let this one find its way onto paper. It is somewhat self explanatory but some of the things that have influenced it are the events of the World around us. In this world of turmoil it is hard to have faith that things will get better. I have a certainty that they will be infinitly better, though maybe not while I am alive. In so many ways I find myself living in that future in my head while working hard to make things better for anyone that comes into my life.

We are constantly tested and challenged in our lives. It is overcoming these challenges that bring a sense of growth and that crucible of a test has allowed us to become one step further along on this journey of life and beyond. This painting, which hangs over my bed, is one my uncle painted. It is my favorite painting of all the paintings that I have seen in this world. In some ways, the poem is the story of this painting. Some see the ship sinking and some see it as I do, overcoming the storm.

WAVES OF DESTINY

Sailing upon the open sea
Heading for my destiny
Upon that heading did I track
When those who were with me away did tack
The heading with a certainty did lead
Into storms severe, my fears did feed.

With certitude I forged ahead
Knowing no rest, no bed
Buffeted from side to side
The bow submerged then riding high
Not knowing when or how I would die
But faith did carry me under dark sky

Feeling alone, riding the storm
Upon my soul its marks did adorn
Clearly did it come to be
These waves of tests my destiny
For these tribulations that come
A crucible for my soul to succumb

By and by as time went on
Others I spied returning anon
For in truth when the path is clear
‘Tis that path we all hold near
For through it we reach
The One we hold dear
-Shiidon, May 2008

Music

I have been trying to convey a message about music. At first I was attempting a short descriptive paragraph or two but then I turned to my old friend, verse. The following poem conveys what was in my heart.

Music is very important to me as I am sure it is for most of us. I remember the first live performance I heard as a third grade student in the Long Beach area of California. It was and still is one of my favorite pieces of music, Ride of the Valkyries by Richard Wagner. I had not listened to much of anything except for classical music and opera until I was 17. I remember the first songs that were coming out in the end of the seventies and how they affected me. Songs, like smells, remind us of places, times and emotions we felt at one point in our lives. Music can also have other affects on us.

In some ways my musical companions growing up were Seals and Crofts, the Bahá'í musicians from the late sixties and early seventies. Later I went through all sorts of music and it was not until much later that I found modern music that matched my passion for classical music. It was the music of Enya. To this day, when any song from her album Sheppard Moon comes on, I take a deep breath and find myself relaxing. Each album and song brings me to another realm. There are two songs of hers in particular that remind me of the Bahá'í Holy places. The album had recently come out as I was heading to Haifa in 1992 and therefore influenced my thoughts when I hear the songs. The two are the Gaelic version of "Book of Days" and "After Ventus."

Another piece of music that transports my soul is what is known as the "Moonlight Sonata" by Beethoven. I have listened to it loud, in the dark, in a sound chair and any other way that I could find to enhance the experience that would be akin to the times when I played in our high school orchestra. But nothing beats the following, which is the real inspiration for wanting to write a poem about music. Twice in my life it was found out by an accomplished pianist that I loved the Moonlight Sonata. On those two occasions the pianist took me to a chair and then, with great expertise and channeled passion, played that piece of music for me. Each event was twenty years apart but I remember them both as if it was yesterday. At that time it was just me and the music. The pianist had become second to the music and the result was an elevation of the spirit.

MUSIC

The fingers come down upon the keys
The sound emanates forth and flees
Finding any ear
that will hear

each and every note
doth with passion emote
the meaning, from the composer
the drive, of the performer

When these parts are one and whole
It takes on a different role
The music reaches in our heart
Nothing will break that bond apart

It speaks directly to our soul
It serves this and more of a role
In elevating our spirit
Changing all who hear it
Our soul sours high
Into the sky
And beyond that point
We can not go
Only in our dreams
Can we know
That our spirits doth glow
with that sound that sings
grabbing our heart, and
untold joy doth bring
-Shiidon, May 2008

Breezes

Life is motion. Action begets action. Each step we take brings us closer to our destiny. In reality if we reflect back we are already at a destiny that has sprung from our past. Each step fulfills the destiny of the previous step. Steps...if you read my poems there is a theme throughout on steps taken. "let deeds not words be your adorning" is a good example of action over inaction. There is so much to do and not enough time to do it. Raising children, providing service to those who need it in a world of selfishness. Three words that ring around my head are selfishness to selflessness and selflessness to worthlessness.
By the way, if you ever want an interesting conversation, talk to me right after writing a poem. I seem to rhyme my conversations and it takes some effort to shake it off. It is somewhat reminiscent of Andre the Giant and Mandy Patenkin in The Princess Bride....."anyone want a peanut?" (you have to see the movie to understand this line).

Anyway, the poem follows...



BREEZES

Years have past and accustomed am i
To walking alone under His deep blue sky
Surrounded by the beauty of creation
Well aware of this source of elation
What greater joy can there be
To know His love for you and me
Though always there and replete
On its own ti's not complete
For in His wisdom did he create
The need for us to have a mate
While this is not for all to be
ti's for most, our destiny
so plying on that road of life
facing alone the ease and strife
watching for signposts to show the way
wondering where they would lead, day by day

One day while standing deep in thought
A breeze from the east did waft about
Perfumed and cool it did refresh
My attention caught, within enmeshed
Waves of discourse did that breeze bring
Together those voices began to sing

While the future is still undisclosed
There are few doors found fully closed
The breeze reminds that more is to come
To what end unknown will it become

For now the point that needs be taught
Is to take what comes, a gift, a thought
Upon that breeze that hope is brought

The breeze reminds that we are not alone
That He is there
And with great care
Has shown us how
To not despair

So for now what needs, to be done
Is to take that path
step by step
One by one
-Shiidon, May 2008

Events

Much has happened since the last post. There was a tremendous earthquake in China that has killed tens of thousands of people. This, in addition to the tens of thousands killed by the cyclone in Burma, make two severe tragedies facing our ever shrinking planet. It used to be that the news would report a tragedy, say a plane crash, and then report a number like "three Americans' died in the crash. Many times this was done and the other deaths were an afterthought. These past two events did not focus on the nationality of anyone involved in the disasters, they focused on the whole of the suffering population. Maybe we are learning that we are all truly one family and these are our dear brothers and sisters that are suffering and dying.

Speaking of the suffering and dying there is another, more subtle, tragedy in the making. In Iran during the 80's the government arrested and killed the National Spiritual Assembly of the Bahá'í's of Iran. They then arrested the second group that took their place and they were never to be seen again. In the meantime, in obedience to the government of Iran, the Bahá'í Institutions have been suspended from that tragic event to now. There were a group of seven believers that were responsible for assisting the Bahá'í friends in Iran in the absence of an administrative structure. This past week the government, in what is clearly reminiscent of those tragic events of the 80's, arrested these seven people and have taken them to the notorious Evin prison. Their future is uncertain and their safety is clearly in jeopardy. There is a House Resolution condemning this action. For more information and what you can do as an individual, please visit www.bahai.org

Teaching

Well friends, as mentioned in the last post, I went on a teaching campaign these past few weeks. Everything ties together so I want to give a bit of an explanation for those of you who do not know what that entails. Bahá'í's are asked by Bahá'u'lláh to share His message with the masses of humanity. While we do not prostelitize (promise something in return for acceptance) we do from time to time go door to door informing people of the Faith and, if interested, a bit more detail of our beliefs. This being said, it is up to that person to do with it what they will. We call this "teaching." For a group that believes that there is only one God, that all the religions come from that God and that all mankind is equal in the eyes of God, we are certainly tasked when trying to share this message to people that are constantly being told how different we all our from each other or that one particular group of people is any better than another. What is amazing to me is that there is not a soul I have spoken to across the world that does not believe we should live together in peace, harmony and love for each other. What tends to be vocalized is the fear that stems from ignorance or the determination of those who are in control to keep that control through the intentional putting down of others.

Having said that I went to a neighborhood a few weeks ago and felt in some ways like the first step on the moon. It was my moon that Iwas stepping on. I left the car with a dear friend and we proceeded to share the Bahá'í Faith with a young man and his girlfriends 4 year old daughter. The end result was a new friend (not a new Bahá'í) and an understanding that we share the same beliefs and we all left with open hearts and love for God. It is the result of this experience that I am writing here today. Of course this poem can and will mean different things to different people, I hope you enjoy it.


Teaching

Fear gives way to determination
Reaching soon our destination
My foot swings down
Upon the ground
Leaving the safety
For a place new found

As I raise my head
The seeker I see
Walking ahead
To our destiny

Our paths soon cross
We shed our dross
We start to share
Both unaware
Of the forces around
As they start
To bring us together
Heart to heart

Those underlying fears
So present that day
Found no haven
And flew away
For in my heart
In that other
What I found,
a newfound brother

That first step
Had I not taken
This joy and love
My heart forsaken
Yet step I did upon that road
My soul found its true abode
This is but a start
For us to do our part
To connect one another
Heart to heart
-Shiidon, May 2008

Reflection

Well, it has been almost a month since my last posting. This is due to many factors. Work schedule, further assimilation of Shahdi into my household, work, the start of my tutoring the students in Iran, a two week teaching campaign for the Bahá'í Faith in the Austin area and on and on.

I have had much thought about this blog and what I am doing with it. It has been a little more than a year since I started posting my poetry and stories on this site. I mark this sadly by the anniversary of the passing of Bob Hutchcraft, that dear soul and Bahá'í teacher. This last post that I did marked some turning point for me. I took a step out into a new world. Up to this point I was always giving thought about what people would say about my poems. This feeling of self doubt is further fueled by the increase in praise that I get from friends and family. In other words, the more positive the feedback, the more I felt was lacking. What has happened now is that I am not worried about what anyone thinks, my heart is out there to see, each paragraph, line and word. I freely share these words with whomever wishes to read them and they may make of it as they will. One could say that I have "a new found freedom" or some other cliche, however, what is my reality is a new found peace. It is so much more peaceful to not wonder or worry about being misunderstood or being unworthy. This is what it is and I am what I am.

This will sound strange to some of you and to others who know me well it is ...well it is me. I am not worried about what people think or if the poems are taken one way or another. I simply write out of love. I love God, I love my Faith, I love mankind and each and everyone in this blessed world. Yes, that means that I love each and every person reading this blog.

Things are getting back to normal for me. Yes there were 18 youth in my two bedroom house last weekend and ten this weekend but still, in my way that is normal. I am not going to change a thing about my blog except to freely post as the words come to me. It may be five times a week or once every few weeks such as this time but I will continue to post.

Write me, don't write me. Enjoy the poems or wonder how could something so bad be allowed on the computer. What I want to say is thank you for the time you take to read a few lines from my heart.